My Blog

Today received a new that another of my teacher leaving the centre due to her husband being posted overseas. I doubt that’s the reason. Evn though I have asked her, she refused to tell me at all…Maybe each has his/her own needs… I feel really sad not because I am leaving the centre…sad that the centre did not even asked me to stay..anyway, i already knew they Would Never cos I am just A PAWN. Anyway….i feel sad for my boss ( sy) that she has to face 3 resignations in a month. I have plans to work with her together and bring up the centre and even bring the centre overseas….I realised it is difficult the moment there are 2 bosses instead of one, where there are too manyy children for a teacher to handle. I cannot deny that ever since I have taken up the heay role in the centre, I get uptight for a slight move or words…I can’t cope handling all stress by myself. Everyone in the centre expects me to clear their shit for them and all teachers take me for a right!!!And to sacrifice my grades for a place who do not value nor cherish me….I find no purpose in staying. As much as I enjoy myy children, as much as I enjoy working with my collegues, there’s always a limit to my tolerance… with a spy who keeps watch on what I do in the centre, I do not feel comfortable in. After being in this industry for so long, I realised that there is not such thing as ‘passion’ in a job!!! Everything plays a part in ensuring one love the job…

I feel very sad when I said such a thing. When I left Nursing, I never felt so sad and drained! Nor do I despie the job. In fact, I miss the job. For teaching, I believe I never will miss the job.

OH… left 2 days more, before i leave my little cuties….i am GONNA MISS THEM SO SO SO MUCH!!!! mISS talking silly with them, Miss doing silly things like tickling them, touching their right ear and pretending not to see, Miss listening to their voice, Miss hearing them holding me..hugging me….

I have been reflecting..maybe I am too stern with my children…maybe I am too disclipine with my children, maybe I am too perfectionist….sometimes i really wish I could not be so stern with them…I never like to scold my children….if only there was sufficient help given….

I have finally made my decision to leave my old childcare centre after being with them for 3 1/2 years. I have given this thought since this year, January 2008. One of the major reasons of leaving the centre is salary….The major hit that pushes me to leave the school was when my boss made a nasty comments that HURT me so Bad!!! That remarks made me realized what the ‘real world’ is.

In fact, countless questions came upon me; what will happened to them? Who will take over my role in caring and nurturing them? Who will continue the hard work that I have put on the kids? Will the kids remember me even the tiny little bit? Or will they forget the existence of ME? Will my collegues remember me? Or will they rejoice of my departure? Will the little babies in the centre remember me?

Then I realized; No one is indispensible.. the school will still open as usual. The children will continue to go to school as usual, the collegues will go to work as usual. No one will remember the little thing that I have done for the centre. "WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD"

I will defintely miss all my cute, annoying, whining little kids that has filled with many wonderful memories in my 3 1/2 years with them. That kind of memories, that kind of bondage,no one can take away. The children may have forgotten but it always stays in my heart.

I miss my children so so so much…. OMG, I am already teary as I am typing this blog..I hope the new centre that I am going to embark will be a smooth one….

It has been 3 months since i am overall in charge of the centre. It has been a stressful and difficult time for me… Staff has has been really difficult…I am trying my very best to learn all the admin, study at the same time and shifting places between my mum’s place and my in law’s place. I have to manage my in laws rubbish, the staff’s rubbish….that I feel like exploding!!!! My husband kept asking me to move to jakarta with him. I kept declining him. Some of my friends think I am nuts to decline… I didn’t wish to go because I still have a sense of responsibility towards my children.There was once incident where I was accused by a collegue of pushing her to do other things, I was so so hurt. And I cry in front of my boss…(so embrassed!!!)I really feel like BANGING my head against the wall. Sometimes, I wonder why did I hold on
?

A heart breaks easier alone
When no one sees you crying
When no one notices at all
That inside you are dying

A heart breaks easier alone
Without a love to heal it
And finally the breaking’s done
When you no longer feel it

As I cry these tears,
And scream in pain.
Could you think of me?
Or say my name?

As I leave this place,
And say my goodbyes.
Could you be someone,
Who will wipe your eyes?

As I run and hide,
Away from my fears.
Couldl you chase me?
And wipe away my tears?

As I scream for help,
And ask for your hand.
Could you finally take me away?
To far away land?

Every time when I look at the photo,
I remember u as someone special,
A person who has show me the meaning of life
A person who has give a lot of courage 2 go through this life
But one thing that is playing in mind
Will I ever meet u before I die
Cause it seems hard 2 meet you
As u always busy ..

But all I know is that
Our friendship will never end
Because you are the one that care for me
And I’m the one who will care for you

When I see you everyday
you never fail to put a smile on your face,

Your smile always make my day.

When you are scared, I’ll be there
When you are playful, I ‘ll be there

You will always be my little one

With your little toy,
and your little bow

You are so cute

I don’t know what I would do,
with out you.

Life is a mixture of ups and downs,
Regularly visited by smiles and frowns.
Life has partners like sorrows and joy,
Beautiful as a girl and adventurous as a boy.

Life is risky like handling a gun,
Though it gives us immense fun.
Life has colours like bright and pale,
Like a bread, mood is fresh and stale.

Life is a combo of devil and God,
Where you are greeted by slangs and applaud.
Life is full of surprises and twists,
Life itself is an eternal bliss.

Life has timings of early and late,
It easily conquers fortune and fate.
Life is a get together of earth and sky,
Where one day to earth we say "Good Bye".

looked at him for the first time, and not noticing I would fall in love with him I looked away.
I now sit at home only thinking about him.
Why is it that I can’t let him go?
I know realize he is never coming back, and begin to cry.
He was my first, my first at so many things.
But the one thing I will always remember, is
that he was my first "True Love."
I did things not thinking of the outcome, and now I am left home all alone.
I just can’t let him go.
Why is it that he can act like nothing is wrong, and say "I Love You?"
Does it even mean anything?
If he read this, would he show this to all of his friends?
I just don’t know anymore!
All I know is that I love a guy.
And for that reason……
"I Can’t Let Him Go"

Love is like the wild rose-briar,
Friendship like the holly-tree—
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms
But which will bloom most constantly?

The wild-rose briar is sweet in the spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again
And who will call the wild-briar fair?

Then scorn the silly rose-wreath now
And deck thee with the holly’s sheen,
That, when December blights thy brow,
He may still leave thy garland green.